Kelly is a part of the Parent Survival blog squad. She understands the different emotions of pregnancy and having a baby. Here she explains the anxiety that she experienced. With her first child…
I think it’s best to start right back at the very beginning. The moment the two pink lines come up on the pee stick. That is when my first bout of Mum guilt and anxiety smacked me in the face. I like to call anxiety my Special Friend She likes to stick close to me. She likes to keep me all to herself and isolated. It’s easier for me to hear her that way. The moment the pregnancy test came back positive, she showed up, and she whispered in my ear “You got drunk last weekend and you were pregnant! You’re going to make an awful mother!” She makes you feel like she’s looking out for you. She’s got my back. But in reality, she just fills you with self-doubt and you second guess yourself every step of the way! But let’s face it. There will be an element of anxiety with pregnancy and parenting. It comes hand in hand. All of a sudden, your life has a new meaning. You are carrying this remarkable gift inside you. And you must keep it safe.
You suddenly start double checking the road before you cross it. You no longer want to be a passenger in your partners car anymore because they drive like a lunatic! You panic the bath might have been too hot for bump, and you check your knickers every time you go to the loo. (Can’t just me be right?) Giving birth to my baby didn’t settle the anxiety, it reached a whole new level I didn’t even realise existed! I remember counting down the days to having my first daughter. Desperate to see her, smell her, hold her. About four days in, I was wondering if there was any way of putting her back inside so I could just get some sleep. I hadn’t managed to recover from the trauma of birth and suddenly I was at home feeding every 3 hours.
I wanted to sleep! I needed to sleep! But every time the baby was asleep I had to sit and watch her incase she stopped breathing. … but it’s in the silent night feeds that my Special Friend liked to talk to me. So, I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep. And lack of sleep is food for my anxiety.
But babies just have this sixth sense. They know you are at the very peak of losing your absolute sh*t and there will be no coming back. You are most definitely going to have your very own Britney moment! And just as you are there at the peak,, about to take the step off, the baby sleeps…They sleep for a few solid hours. And do you want to know the really ridiculous thing! You miss them when they sleep. What the hell is that about?!
Kelly is one of our Survival Squad, you can follow her on FACEBOOK to stay up to date with her as she copes with anxiety and parenting.